Are you a “touch person?”

January 17, 2017


Richard values words. Although he appreciates gifts on his birthday, he is most touched when people write him sincere letters. Apparently he RECEIVES love the best through words.

The little notes I write for Richard


He also prefers SHOWING his love using words. He would tell me that I am beautiful, how much he appreciates me, that I compliment him, etc.
The words would make me happy. But we learned that another expression of love would affect me even more. We were not speaking the same “language.” I was built differently. What scores the most points with me is TOUCH.


One of our mentors made this more clear for Richard. Apparently, our mentor’s wife is also a “touch person.” When they disagree, the wife is able to listen and process her thoughts better if they argue while holding hands. Sounds strange (and difficult!) doesn’t it? But it works for them!

We admire Dennis and Thammie Sy’s marriage. Learn more about them on


My mother would tell me that when I was a toddler, whenever I made a mistake (spilled milk, dropped things,etc.) I’d run to every person in the room and ask for a hug. No matter how many times the adults would say “it’s ok,” I’d only FEEL it’s really ok after a hug or pat on the back.

My brother (left) and I (right). A hug always calms me down as a child


One time Richard came home with so much on his mind that he forgot to hug me as soon as he entered the house. My husband had no bad intentions, but I did not feel reassured. It seemed like such a “small” thing, but I felt neglected! When we realized that I was a “touch person,” we made it a point to remember to hug as soon as one of us arrives home.
After an argument, Richard feels better as soon as apologies and reassuring words are exchanged. But would I still feel distant from him until we hold hands or hug for a few minutes. Then my warmth towards him returns to normal.

It’s weird, but true. I cannot understand how words can be so important to him, and he can only imagine how words cannot calm and assure me as much as a quiet 2-minute hug.


We both had to understand that we speak and receive love differently. We “speak” a different love “language.”
Do you think you and your loved one speak the same love “language?”


Do you feel reassured of love THE MOST with a touch (hug, holding hands, pat on the back, etc.)?
Which one would you choose: a heartfelt letter or a warm hug? Or do you prefer something else?


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Posted by relationshipmatters, January 17, 2017


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