Cloud-9

 RICHARD:

It starts with a tingle I have for a desirable person. Slowly, with more “together experiences”, the tingle grows until I hit “Cloud-9”—an emotional high like no other.

Unknowingly, the euphoria of “Cloud-9” gives me an ILLUSION that:

1. I am SELFLESS.
“I couldn’t think of doing anything to hurt her. My only desire is to make her happy. “
The often selfish Richard suddenly became some sort of a Mother Teresa???

2.  My beloved is PERFECT.
My sister/mother can see her “flaws” but I can’t. Love is truly “blind”. My IQ and reasoning go out the door. Other couples have lost it, but ours is different. Our relationship is invincible!

3. “Cloud-9” will LAST FOREVER.
“Spending time with her is like heaven. Being with her is so much better than going to school or work.”
“I couldn’t get anything done. I spent my whole day dreaming about her.” I lost interest in other pursuits. The feeling became an obsession.
“This emotional high will last forever”… but it didn’t. Although I was sincere, I had to learn that I was unrealistic. Research shows that the “Cloud-9” euphoria has an average life of 2 years.

After my “Cloud-9” phase is over, strangely…

1. I BEGIN TO ASSERT MY INDIVIDUAL SELF.
As the Cloud evaporates, I become more vocal about NOT LIKING her interests and pursuits. Whereas before even if I did NOT like it, I wouldn’t say anything and go along.

2. My beloved was FAR FROM PERFECT.
At the height of “Cloud-9” I thought we agreed on everything. Now? We don’t seem to agree on anything!
Now I began seeing the weaknesses of my partner. Slowly, I find some of her personality traits irritating.

And she?
She now saw my capacity for bitterness, vengeance, anger, harsh words, critical thinking, alcoholism, womanizing, addictions…
The little traits we overlooked when we were in “Cloud-9” now became huge mountains. Have you ever wondered why so many have come to curse the partner whom they once loved?

3. Cloud-9 is not forever, BUT THE INTRODUCTION.
“Cloud-9” is ALWAYS the START and introduction to REAL LOVE.  When “Cloud-9” is powered by emotions, “Real love” is powered by choice. A daily decision to love even without the tidal-wave feelings. A choice to love even if our emotions are telling us not to.

Looking back, I know understand a bit better that I had to unlearn that repetitive pattern of constantly falling in and out of love—in search for A NEW and ADDICTIVE “Cloud-9” experience and shift to the HARD WORK of learning to love AFTER the “Cloud-9” ecstacy.

Sticking it out(after the HIGH) to make the relationship work—This is where a lot of our married mentors work hard to keep their relationships.

Don’t lose hope, most of the “truth” about your relationship will reveal itself after the 2-year period.  If you are really committed to  your partner, you will make good progress to love your spouse by choice, even when the emotions are low:)

MARICAR:

I think women’s fascination with the “cloud 9” is more obvious. Don’t we call romantic movies “chick flicks?” Women love “kilig.” The emotional high of being pursued by someone we like is quite addicting. Girls may do silly things to make the guys pursue her continuously, whether she knows it consciously or not. I know I have.

It’s very Filipino to sacrifice, and girls love to sacrifice for love. How many times have I thrown the line “Gagawin ko ang lahat…(I will do everything)!” referring to a love interest in a teleserye(TV soap opera)? It reflects our culture; a trait that is admired, as it should be.

But sometimes, don’t you have this one friend who is just nuts over a guy who is obviously wrong for her and no matter how many people try to tell her about it, SHE JUST DOESN’T SEE IT? Or she does see it but turns the other cheek in hopes her situation will magically change?

And are there other times, when EVERYONE saying this guy is SO WRONG for you but you just brush them off thinking, ‘They don’t know him like I do…’ but later on it turns out they were right?

Nakakabulag ang kilig. (Emotions can blind us) It makes you believe you’re right because it feels good. It helps to have older, wiser, “been-there-done-that” friends whom you admire and CURRENTLY have ON-GOING strong and lasting relationships.

Limiting yourself to asking your peers or relying on your own opinion doesn’t get you very far. I tried that, and it doesn’t work.

For every 5 times I went out with my friends, accomplishing nothing substantial in a mall, I wish I had the foresight then to take one of my titas or older cousins out instead for coffee and learn from them.

Truth is, no man or woman can even give us Cloud-9 FOREVER. Why don’t we equip ourselves for what the “Cloud” started, we will be able to sustain till happy ever after:)

Posted by jon, August 13, 2014