Guy must love Girl MORE?

September 12, 2014


Some wise, elderly mother a long time ago said to me, “Man must love woman more than woman loves the man.” I froze.

Half because I think my opinion didn’t matter. Half because I DIDN’T agree. But inside I was confused—Why? Shouldn’t it be EQUAL affection for each other?”

But the older I got, I think Granny was right all along ?

Just the other day, I found myself telling a young single girl the exact same thing: “Find a man who loves you more than you love him.”

(Disclaimer)  Of course this is NO guarantee, especially if ALL a man’s BEST is NOT attractive to a woman—–the WORST can happen—a girl playing with a man’s poor heart just to feel the THRILL of being pursued.(that’s another topic for the future)

Most say love has to be EQUAL. It sounds MOST HUMANE and DIPLOMATIC(like “equal rights”). But as much as it is equal ON THE SURFACE, I’d still say at the CORE it’s better if the guy loves the girl more.

I never forgot the story of a guy telling me the secret about his dad and mom’s great marriage:  “Whatever bad fight they had, before the day ends, my dad would bring home sushi and a bouquet of flowers and WIN MY MOM BACK every single time. He is just crazy in love with her.” 

The times when Maricar and I had bad arguments on petty things, I found that despite my selfish and stubborn ill-feelings(to distance from her), I admittedly liked her so much that I could not resist winning her back immediately (many times without the sushi and flowers). God, may I never lose this ?

Much can be debated in theory, but the more couples I’ve met who have their marriage vibrant after decades have the same quality: At the core, the man seems to be more in love with the woman.

This is opposite of what I usually see on TV: Women loving on excessively and sacrificially when their man has lost it to some new exciting fling. Although they seemed pretty “equal” in love on their wedding day…

The surprising paradox is that when man loves the woman MORE and PURSUES her RELENTLESSLY, the woman gives back MORE love in return. Now, it seems WOMAN LOVES THE MAN MORE haha. Strange huh?

By the way, the elderly woman who advised this to me? She is still happily married to the man who loves her dearly, even at their old age.

What about you?  What do you see around you–Are good, lasting relationships built on “EQUAL”?  Man loves woman more? Or the other way around?






After a few years of marriage my friend feels defeated. Her once doting husband now seems to prefer playing basketball with his friends than talking to her. He tells her he still loves her, and she should be thankful that he isn’t an alcoholic or a womanizer like many other men. She tried everything from reading marriage books, nagging, to wearing lingerie around the house. To this day her husband remains distant and she doesn’t know what else to do. (Girl loves guy more.)

Another friend of mine has been married for 8 years. This girl is gorgeous. Her husband, however, is a rather plain looking short guy who wasn’t very well-off. She didn’t like him at first. But this guy kept pursuing her. Until today, he buys her roses for no reason. He worked hard to buy her the townhouse she wanted. After 8 years, he’s still crazy about her, and now she’s crazy about him too. (Guy loves girl more.)

It seems to me that a man’s love for a woman can be seen in his willingness to pursue and prioritize his bride. And women are usually very responsive to this.

So given that both parties still love each other, do I think it is better if a guy loves a girl more in the relationship? Sure. Because that increases the chance that she will be relentlessly pursued. That works for me, as a woman because it’s added security. It doesn’t sound fair, but I think that’s how we are wired. A woman blooms when she knows she is the man’s number one priority. When a woman is secure she nags less, and offers more support and admiration for her man. And in turn the man will love her more. It’s a beautiful cycle that my pretty friend is enjoying.

But for some reason, no matter how hard my defeated friend tries to “pursue” her husband, the results aren’t quite the same. She wasn’t built to do that. So until a better solution comes along, she continues to wash her husband’s basketball jerseys, and hopes for change.

Yes women’s sacrificial love is important, (it maybe the very glue keeping the family together) but a man’s loving pursuit makes the relationship so much more fun and VIBRANT.



Posted by jon, September 12, 2014


1 thought on “Guy must love Girl MORE?

  1. Thank you for this insight. This blog made me realized how important it is to be pursued and knowing that it’s better for a man to be more inlove to a woman rather than vice versa. Women are not created to pursue a man. We are created to wait and meet the man who would persistently love us by pursuing us. ???

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