RM Reader Asks: “How Do You Control Your Temper?”
April 4, 2018
MARICAR:
Someone sent me a very simple question on our Facebook page: “…how do you control your temper when you were soo mad with your husband?”
Given my non-confrontational personality, my problem is not in angry outbursts —it’s forming bitterness in my heart by keeping anger inside. It’s very important for me to practice dealing with anger. I’ve heard bitterness can make people sick. 🙁
This question made me reflect on what has helped me so far. 🙂
FIRST—When I’m really REALLY mad, I hit the floor with a pillow around 10 times —very hard. I make sure I’m alone when I do this, because it’s very stressful for anyone to see. The physical exertion drains out some of the anger. In 4 years of marriage, I’ve done this twice. 🙂
SECOND— I force myself to remember the biggest reasons why I married my husband. Among them is his love for the truth. His extreme honesty has brought intimacy, security, and joy into my life. Our many fights, are not enough to make me want to live without it.
THIRD —I remember my weaknesses that he has to put up with, too! I don’t plan, while he is a long-term thinker. He has to explain things to me very slowwwlyyyy if there’s math involved. He’s naturally goal-oriented, and needs to keep checking on my tendencies to be lazy. Etc., etc., etc…
Usually, after doing the 1st, and meditating on the 2nd and 3rd, my emotions stabilize enough to be able to work on a solution together with my husband. It helps soften my heart to apologize when I’m wrong, and accept a sorry from him for any mistakes.
Mentors always tell me keep my heart soft, so it won’t be quick to form grudges (sama ng loob).
Thank you again, for this question (you know who you are). This blog is another written reminder that can help me the next time Richard and I are angry at each other. 😛
How about you? How do you deal with anger? Share your stories in the comments below so we can all learn from each other!
Take heart!
Posted by , April 4, 2018
6 thoughts on “RM Reader Asks: “How Do You Control Your Temper?””
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I kept quiet.. I am waiting for the right time to talk to him (kapag di na mainit ang ulo ko sa kanya) hehe
Maricar, you stated the extreme honesty of your husband brought intimacy and joy. How about if it’s the opposite? I mean a husband who lies. Can you please tell me ur opinion? My husband went on a trip with his family without telling me. He lied. I extracted the truth myself till he admitted the truth. If his mom buys him something, he lied. He doesn’t tell me. I felt betrayed. He even once put me to shame over dinner in front of his family. With that, I no longer join in any of his family events. I want to end our marriage but is it worth it? If it’s just the two of us, we’re ok. I don’t like being lied to. We’re married for 5 years and no kids. I love my husband but that family trip he lied slowly fade my affection. I’m trying up to this day to save my marriage. Please Mr&Mrs Poon, I want to know ur thoughts on this. Thank you.
I cry and really pray about how I feel. I’m the kind of person who always evaluate everything including the bad feelings i have with my husband. Maybe this is why he easily makes me laugh and i easily forgive him whenever he says sorry. But I will not let him guess why I feel that way, I always tells him the reason.
I do journaling as my therapy. I dont talk to my husband until am not okay. I talk to God first and release everything to Him. My husband knows it and he’s very thankful for my silence.
When am ready to talk, he’ll be willing to listen. We both agreed to focus on the solution and to remind each other that we just want the best for us.
We’ll never be perfect, but whats important is, wer willibg to accept each other and to continue to share Gods love.
I believe its effective cause wer now 30 years married and counting❤ All by Gods grace and us, choosing to put God as our priority.
I do the same thing. I’m not good at expressing especially anger to my husband. I keep quiet and do my own thing that leaves him figuring things out. It happens rarely and he’s still very patient with me but I don’t want it to create a problem for us in the long run. What I tried doing were; walking or running by myself- came back home feeling better, writing what I feel and thinking and realizing well what I have written, and, reminding myself that my love, our love is a lot bigger than my grudges that it’ll pass anyway. Still. I’m a wife in progress every day. Found your vlog/ blog very helpful that I happily share it to him.
I just barked at him, I then cried and I got what I wanted. Once I have downloaded the frustration, anger we are back on the party scene . He zed he loves a strong woman, knows what she wants