Leave and Cleave 3: Sometimes the Biggest Block to Leave is the Parents

January 31, 2017


I think a guy being very close to his entire family is a GOOD thing:) But if you(girl) are marrying him soon, then some boundaries might have to be set.

Sometimes the BIGGEST BLOCK to God’s PERFECT PLANS for the child is the PARENTS.
Yes, the parents:(
This is NOT to say parents are bad. In fact, they have VERY GOOD dreams for their child. But GOOD may not necessarily be GOD.
I think that’s worth repeating: Good may NOT necessarily be God.
Take my example.
When I was growing up, everybody around me told me my future was in the RESTAURANT BUSINESS. Why? Because both my mom and dad were successful in this field. They had GOOD dreams for me.
But God ended up taking me a road elsewhere: MUSIC. I can’t believe I would end up where I am today.

My parent’s dream: FOOD BUSINESS, God’s dream for me: MUSIC
I ran away from home after working 6 years as a chef for my dad. At first, he was angry at me. I’m sure I disappointed so many of our relatives. In Chinese traditions, many believe that LEAVING THE FAMILY BUSINESS means NOT HAVING LOVE AND RESPECT FOR THEM.(Which I respectfully disagree to).


To COUNTER the bad feelings, I took time to DATE MY DAD every week. I wanted to let him feel that even though I took ANOTHER ROAD, I still loved him very much.
Finally, when success came, my dad became my no.1 fan and would regularly ask for front-row tickets to my shows. Me and my dad may have TAKEN SEPARATE ROADS, but our hearts have always been together with love. That takes hard work.

Be first to reach out to Dad when you leave home:)
My advice for children leaving home is TO TAKE INITIATIVE to REACH OUT to our parents in regular dinner-dates, visits, movies, etc. so they will feel that although you LEFT THEIR DREAM FOR YOU, THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE LOVE IS STILL INTACT.

(Read: When My Mother Broke Her Promise)

PLEASE DON’T leave and stay away from your parents in disrespectful anger, hatred, bitterness, and revenge. Leaving and Cleaving that way will POISON your soul.
 It’s interesting that there is a divine saying: “Anyone who loves their father or mother MORE THAN GOD is not worthy…”
Now I get it: If we love our parents more than God, then sometimes, we will REPLACE the GOD dream with their(parent’s) GOOD dream.
May you choose wisely:)
Take heart and be brave to “Leave and Cleave”!

Posted by relationshipmatters, January 31, 2017


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