Sleeping in the CinemaOctober 21, 2014
I grew up without Papa being there for graduations & many other important dates to celebrate with a son. It built much resentment in me. This was how I saw my story.
Until I ran away from home.
It was in these 7 years that I lost my life savings, the business closed, and at the bottom I started seeing the same situation from another point of view.
One day it hit me. I can’t even save one peso in 7 years. Out of the family home, my salary—-less rent, electricity, water, food, transportation and other bills—- left me with a rising debt to pay.
I found myself writing a letter to my Dad. Awkward and uncomfortable, I told him of how I resented him when he was “not there” for me when I was young. But now, I also told him that real life outside the home was harder than I thought.
I realize I TOOK FOR GRANTED ALL THE FREE THINGS IN HIS HOUSE: monthly house rent, electricity, water, groceries, eating out in restos, maid’s salary, a ref/fridge that was filled, transportation, toys, allowances , tuition fees, expenditures since baby, kindergarten, elementary, high school to college… the list went on and on…
I started to tear up. “Papa, you locked yourself up in your little business—working 6 and a half days a week— so that your children will never experience the hard life you had when you were a boy left in the streets with no money.
I’m sorry for secretly being irritated on you SLEEPING IN THE CINEMA most Sunday afternoons when you took us out to watch a movie.(I reasoned then that this was the ONLY TIME I WOULD SEE YOU IN A WEEK and you would SLEEP???!!) Then, it seemed right. Now, it seems selfish.
I appreciate now what you provided that I took for granted. In my frustration and lack, I understand a bit better. I forgive you for not being there. Pls. forgive me for resenting you. I love you very much.”
This letter broke a lot of hostile walls in my relationship with my father. He was still wrong as a dad for not being there, but the hard life made me understand him to INITIATE to forgive him, instead of WAITING for him to say sorry to me all this time.
Today, I have paid my debts and started to save peso by peso. But better yet, my relationship with my Dad got better with seeing our story from another corner of the room:) How about you?