Wala Pa Nga, Pinapangunahan Mo Na (Anxiety at Parties with the In-Laws)

December 30, 2017

MARICAR:

This holiday season was full of parties. And I have a bad habit when it comes to some parties — “Expecting the worst” but claiming to hope for the best.

Last Dec 24, Richard was flying in late from his gig abroad. He asked me to go ahead to his family’s Christmas party. So that meant I would spend a few hours with his cousins, aunties, uncles and their families —without him.

A friend, also in a committed relationship, could relate to what I was feeling. Naiilang din sya, and she never goes to the family gatherings of her fiance, if her fiance was not present also.

But to be fair to Richard’s family, even with the culture difference (I was Filipino and they, pure Chinese), they have always been nice to me since day one. I had no logical reason to feel unwelcome in their family.

During the party itself, I tried to just stay in a corner of the room (“nahihiya”), but they kept talking to me and involving me in the celebration. It was touching. And I was secretly embarrassed to think that I’d feel left out earlier that day.

Looking back, that happens a lot — I’ll judge a situation to be terrible before the event, then it would turn out to be a really fun evening afterward.

Thinking I’ll be left out before actually getting to any event, makes me arrive insecure to begin with. That kind of attitude drives people away, because when I’m insecure it’s harder to smile, harder to ask other people how they are because I’m too preoccupied with how I see myself.

Kinda selfish if I really think about it. 🙂

Good thing Richard’s family kept trying to include me. But in other gatherings, I may not be so lucky. I realize that unless the party is filled with horrible bullies (and they rarely are), the only reason why I’d feel left out is because I came in with a negative attitude in the first place.

Can anyone relate? If yes, let’s keep each other in check, shall we? Let’s try to change our attitude when it comes to events we aren’t too comfortable with — Let’s go in expecting the best!
And if it turns out to be a disaster in spite of our joyful personalities… then that’s THEIR problem not ours! Right??? RIGHT!!!