With Whom Do You Have #NoFilter ?

January 19, 2018

MARICAR:

During our “undefined relationship” phase, Richard and I had a phone conversation about our past relationships. He spoke, unfiltered, about his “eventful” lovelife. His brutal honesty was surprising. He wanted me to know who he was, good and bad.

When it was my turn, I froze. It was easy to talk about the good, but the bad? I didn’t want him to judge me based on my past mistakes! I was too ashamed to be brutally honest.

So I filtered, sugar-coated and downplayed my “bad parts.” Richard listened, thinking I was truly opening my heart to him.

When we finished the call, I immediately felt a heavy weight in my heart that was impossible to ignore. For the first time I asked myself, “Do I really want to lie about my bad side to a person who I might have a deep relationship with?”

Having gone through a lot by that time (2010), I knew I wanted something real. I wanted to be loved for who I was —good and bad—and this will never happen if I didn’t start being honest THAT VERY MOMENT.

Fingers trembling, I called him back and blurted out all the things I could not say earlier. I did not stop until I told him everything. I was horribly embarrassed by the end of it, but my heart was the lightest it ever felt in a long time. Totoo pala. The truth sets you free. 🙂

I thought, “If he decides to go away, fine!” At least I would have confirmed that he could not love me “for better or for worse,” —which is what I wanted and was willing to wait for.

Richard hated that I lied at first, but the rest is history. When we married in 2013, we made a commitment both knowing that I was not a perfect princess, and he was no prince charming either.

In the world, I understand the need to filter my photos, be careful of what I say, and edit what I write, among other things. But at home, with my imperfect prince charming, I truly enjoy a life that has #nofilter.